• Yours Truly

  I may not sit up, roll over or even cook breakfast, not because I am too stupid to learn how but because I am too smart to bother.



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These days, Mummy gets really aggressive while brushing me. By aggressive I mean she pulls and pulls and pulls (I don’t mean to paint a bad picture of Mummy but the whole pulling thing is bad!) until the brush gets through my hair. To make things worse, the brushing process now takes longer than ever.

If I had a choice (but I don’t), I rather leave my whole body to mat or shave my whole body, than to go through the agony of daily brushing. Leaving my whole body to mat will make me look like a unruly mop and shaving my whole body will make me look like a lizard, neither of which I think are too bad.

Mummy has been explaining to me that I mat easily now (especially those at the back of my head) because my hair is longer and we ran out of the conditioner I normally use. Excuses she comes up with, I tell you, wouldn’t even fool a cow. Come to think of it, it wouldn’t even fool a donkey.

Have you seen those adorable little beds made especially for furries? They are (physically) approximately ten times smaller than a non furry’s bed but the price, not ten times less. In fact, you will be surprised to know that they can sometimes cost even more than a non furry’s bed.

When Mummy wanted to buy me one, Grandma told Mummy to buy me a non furry bed for babies. Reason being it was way more economical and well, more economical. Anyway, Mummy did get me a non furry bed for babies, which is basically a fluffy rectangular shaped mattress.

Thing is, I only lie on it when the floor is too cold. Other times, I would lie against it, my entire body stretched out against the longer side of the mattress. By lying against it, my body is actually on the floor (which defeats the whole purpose of having any bed at all).

So last weekend when Mummy suggested buying me a bed for furries, Papa said, “You spend a fortune buying her the most beautiful bed you and I have ever seen in our lives, but she will only annoy the (I did not understand this word) out of you by sleeping against it, on the floor.”

Most of you should know that Grandpa has his supper at 9.50pm each night. If you do not, it is either because you have not been paying attention to my sweet ramblings or you do not frequent my sweet ramblings often enough. They are both equally bad.

Anyway, Grandpa normally finishes his supper at 10.10pm and that is the time I start to well, to put it simply, bark – I prefer to call it screaming, though. I will first do my big (and sometimes small too) business, and then hop around while screaming at Grandpa, and follow him everywhere.

Grandpa seems to enjoy the short attention span I give him very much, as he plays along by running all over the house. Apart from running, Grandpa also makes me hop from chair to chair. That time of the day is probably when I burn off every single calorie I consume during the day.

Once Grandpa feels that I have lost enough weight, he will carry me outside for our daily post supper walk. If you don’t already know, the walk is the reason for my screaming and willingness to burn calories. What’s so exciting about the walk? I simply cannot describe, the walk is my ecstasy.

Today is the day when the Chinese community will come together in celebration of the final day of the Chinese New Year, also known as Chap Goh Meh. It is actually a Hokkien (which is a Chinese dialect) word which simply carries the meaning “the fifteenth night” of the Chinese New Year.

Chap Goh Meh is also known as the Chinese Valentine’s Day. This is because traditionally, single or unmarried woman would throw Mandarin oranges into the river or sea (kindly alert the nearest environmentalist!) during Chap Goh Meh in hope that a suitor would pick them up.

Since I am single (and definitely unmarried), Mummy intends to take me to the nearest river or sea to throw Mandarin oranges. Personally, I think it is a waste of Mandarin oranges – they would be much better off in my stomach. Perhaps I shall escape from Mummy and help the environmentalists out.

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